WELCOME TO THE VAULT
Enter if you dare the dark and dusty corners of Hellwood HQ as we bring some nightmare inducing blasts from the past into the bright glare of day. Designs that have been gathering dust in the far flung corners of the website, ignored by search engines and algorithms alike and now given a second chance at glory.
Each week a new selection of oldies but goldies will step into the spotlight for your perusal and approval.
Magnum PI T-Shirt
Slip into the laid-back danger and Hawaiian sunshine of Magnum P.I., where fast cars, big moustaches, and even bigger adventures ruled the screen.
Thomas Magnum wasn’t just a private investigator — he was the king of cool, solving crimes between waves, beers, and the occasional helicopter chase, all with that iconic grin. This tee salutes the ultimate tropical detective fantasy: Ferrari red, ocean blue, and a whole lot of 80s attitude.
Perfect for retro-TV addicts, tropical-vibe seekers, and anyone who believes a mystery is best solved in short shorts. Easygoing, nostalgic, effortlessly cool — just like Magnum himself.
Mickey SpiIlane's Mike Hammer T-Shirt
Step into the smoky, neon-lit world of pulp justice with Mickey Spillane’s iconic private eye, Mike Hammer — the toughest, most uncompromising gumshoe ever to stalk a city street. Hammer wasn’t just hardboiled; he was volcanic, driven by vengeance, desire, and a personal code carved out of grit and gunpowder.
This tee celebrates the era of trench coats, back-alley danger, and narration sharp enough to draw blood. Perfect for noir fiends, crime-fiction addicts, and anyone who appreciates a detective who never waits for permission to kick down the door. Wear it like a badge — or a warning.
David Cronenberg T-Shirt
Step into the slick, surgical nightmares of cinema’s master of mutation. From Videodrome to The Fly, David Cronenberg rewired the boundaries of horror with visions of flesh gone rogue, technology turned parasitic, and identity dissolving under the weight of its own desires. His films don’t just disturb — they burrow, infect, and calmly ask you to watch the transformation.
This tee is for the disciples of the New Flesh, the cinephiles who crave cerebral chills, clinical dread, and the strange beauty of bodies betraying themselves. A tribute to a filmmaker who made the monstrous feel intimate — and the intimate feel monstrous.
Wear it like a warning: long live the new flesh.
Jack Ruby’s Carousel Club T-Shirt
Step back into the smoky, electric nights of 1960s Dallas — where the Carousel Club pulsed with burlesque glamour, cheap whisky, and the restless energy of a city on the edge. Run by Jack Ruby himself, this infamous nightclub sits at the crossroads of true crime lore and American mythology, forever tied to the chaos that followed the Kennedy assassination.
This tee dives into that shadowy moment in history, celebrating the scandal, sensation, and seedy spectacle of Ruby’s stage-lit world. Perfect for conspiracy buffs, Americana collectors, and anyone drawn to the strange intersections of nightlife and notoriety. It’s a slice of dark Dallas history — worn with a wink and a whisper.
John Wayne T-Shirt
Celebrate the timeless swagger of the Duke — the man who defined the American West with a squint, a stride, and a code of rough-cut honour. From dusty frontier towns to big-sky showdowns, John Wayne became the face of classic Hollywood heroism, carrying the spirit of the cowboy into film history with uncompromising charm.
This tee is for lovers of old-school Westerns, vintage cinema, and larger-than-life legends. A tribute to the era when men rode tall, justice came slow, and the frontier was as wide as Wayne’s shadow. Wear it proud, partner — this one’s pure Old West mythmaking.
The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock T-Shirt
Slip into the smoky, introspective world of T.S. Eliot — where anxiety hums beneath the gas lamps and every heartbeat echoes with hesitant longing. Inspired by The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, this tee channels the poem’s uneasy charm: part modernist confession, part existential whisper, all wrapped in the crisp precision of Eliot’s most famous narrator.
Perfect for literature lovers, wistful thinkers, and anyone who’s ever measured out their life in coffee spoons, this design captures the fragile beauty of doubt and desire. A wearable homage to one of the greatest poems of the 20th century — subtle, stylish, and steeped in literary soul.